


Still Waiting

by Dragons_Arent_Lost



Category: Onward (2020)
Genre: Angst, Ian's kind of stalkerish, Implied Sexual Content, Jealousy, Light Smut, M/M, Older Barley, Sibling Incest, Sibling Love, Underage Drinking, older Ian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:49:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26925388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragons_Arent_Lost/pseuds/Dragons_Arent_Lost
Summary: Ian and Barley share a night neither of them will forget, and Ian intends to keep it that way.
Relationships: Barley Lightfoot/Ian Lightfoot, Barley Lightfoot/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 9
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my second fanfic on this site and though it's gonna be short I'm excited to write it! I must warn you though, it's bitter-sweet. I hope you like it.

To everyone who knew him, Ian was a regular guy. He attended school, he had good friends, a good home, he took care of his mom, and everything seemed alright in his world. Of course, that's what everyone who knew Ian thought because that was the front he gave them. All seemed right in his world. But what a lot of people didn't know, was that Ian had a secret, a secret that he's never told anyone and didn't plan to.

This was no ordinary secret. In fact it would've been seen as irregular in other people's eyes. He was sure his friends would probably act different around him, maybe even disown him. His mother would be heartbroken and the he'd be known as the town's weirdo. Surprisingly, none of this really bothered Ian. He wasn't one to enjoy spotlight and he knew his secret wouldn't ever be exposed, not even by the only other person who knew about it because they shared it with him. There was no loose ends to this secret, there was only his brother, Barley. 

Barley and Ian had always been close growing up. Ian could admit that a great deal of who he was was owed the Barley. The guy provided him with everything he needed and wanted, whenever he'd ask for it. He was there throughout his best times and there for his worst ones. Barley was irreplaceable, and the two of them were inseparable...they were. Ian knew Barley felt the same about him too. Barley would always remind Ian just how much he loved him by buying him gifts, entertaining him with his favorite things, or simply just telling him. The older elf jumped through hurdles for Ian and it always made his younger brother feel so special and warm. Barley made it clear to the Ian that he was loved.

Ian just hadn't realized how loved he really was. 

It all started on Ian's eighteenth birthday. He remembered being so siked to finally be legally considered an adult and if there was anyone just as excited, it was Barley. "Look at you! All grown up!" Barley shouted as he picked Ian up by his waist and swung him around as if it were nothing. "Now I have to worry about you up and leaving me one day."  
"Barley, it's not that big a deal!" Ian had lied as he laughed at Barley's excitement. "Put me down already!"

Ian remembered the slight feeling of disappointment he felt when Barley had released him but it was soon replaced with joy once more when Barley pulled him close to whisper in his ear. He had told him that that night after the household festivities were done, they were both going to sneak out to go drinking. Ian wasn't old enough to drink, but the excitement in his chest made him feel as if he were going to explode as he smiled and eagerly nodded to his brother. He never cared for alcohol, but if it was something Barley wanted to do with him then he was all for it. 

As promised, Barley found a way to sneak Ian out of the house past colt, their mother, and all Ian's friends. They hopped into Guinevere, grabbed a couple of drinks from a nearby gas station using Barley's ID, and sped off to find somewhere for them to hang out. Ian could still remember how content yet nervous he was. He didn't want to seem like a kid in front of Barley, otherwise he might not have wanted to do things like this with him anymore. They had found a small hill on the edge of town. It was dark and secluded, but quiet and it made it super easy for them to see the stars.

"Okay, so let's start you off with beer. It happens to be my favorite." Barley had said and handed Ian a can. "And obviously don't tell mom, she'd kick my ass."  
Ian watched his oder brother drink from his can before he decided to try his own. Immediately, Ian rolled down his window and spat it out. "Ack! GROSS Barley! _This_ is alcohol?"  
Barley laughed before taking Ian's beer and wiping a bit of excess spit from the young elf's lip. "They aren't all like this, trust me. Just thought I'd let you give it a shot."  
"Well how do _you_ drink this stuff? That's your favorite?" Ian asks and Barley nods as he chugs down the rest of his first beer. He purposely burps in Ian's face and chuckles when Ian fakes vomiting.  
"Yup! Get's the job done for me." Barley reaches into one of the bags of drinks and pulls out a bottle of yellow liquid. "Here, try this."  
Ian takes the glass from Barley and reads the label that tells him it's hard lemonade. He takes a sip of it and shrugs. "This ones not so bad, it's sweet."  
"I had a feeling you'd like that better." Barley ruffled Ian's hair and the younger elf laughed. "Now let's see if you're a lightweight."

It was a great moment, and Ian had never felt better besides Barley. As they drank they told jokes, shared stories, and talked about things that they knew they'd possibly forget the next morning. All that seemed to matter was that they were there together. It was nice, but as they continued to drink things became a little rowdy. Ian was tipsy by his third lemonade and it made him feel good. Barley laughed at him, even though he was drunk himself after eight beers. Ian sometimes wondered if they had both stopped drinking would the night have gone how it did. He doesn't know if he'd go back in time to stop what was going to happen, but he doesn't think too much about that seeing how going back in time was never an option. All he could do was think about how it happened. 

"Okay, okay," Ian tried his best to get his thoughts together. "What's the hardest thing you ever had to do for me?"   
They had been playing some game where they dived deep into the past. Barley had an excellent memory and there hadn't been a single thing Ian had caught him slipping on. Barley snapped his fingers and nearly spilt the next beer he opened. "About two years ago, when I was still in high school with you, you texted me telling me you needed me to come take you home early because you weren't feeling well, remember that?"  
"Yeah, I do!" Ian stated. "I was nearly going to throw up leaving the building."  
Barley laughed. "Right. Well, I never told you but I was actually in the middle of my geometry final. Once you sent that text, the teacher immediately assumed I was cheating. I tried explaining to her that you needed my help, but she said if I left the classroom, she'd have no choice but to fail me. That class was gonna be a pain in the ass to retake, but I still got up and came running to your sorry butt."  
"Woah...really?" Ian asked genuinely shocked. He wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or not, but that sounded like the most heroic thing ever. "You did that for me?"  
"Of course, you said you needed me." Barley smiles softly. "Luckily I still passed with a C."  
"You still could've told me no!"  
"Eh, I could've..." Barley shrugged and smirked. "But that just a small sample of how much I love you."   
"A small sample? Wow, now I _wanna_ see just how much you love me."   
Barley chuckled dryly before looking down at beer. "No, you don't."  
"No, I really do!" Ian nudged Barley's arm and giggled. "Let's see you do something that shows how much you love me."  
"I-I don't know Ian," Barley said. "You may not like it."  
"Oh yeah? That only makes me wanna see more." Ian stated. Barley had then turned to him, with a look in his eyes that Ian was too drunk to pick up on. He only smiled back at his brother and batted his eyes at him. "Come on, Barley. Show me how much you love me."

To his surprise, Barley's hand was suddenly gripping the collar of his shirt and pulling Ian closer. In his head, he thought Barley might get out and scream at the top of his lungs how much he cared about Ian or at least dedicate one of his cans of beers to him while chugging the whole thing down. But when Barley pressed his lips against Ian's, suddenly Ian felt sober. He remembered the heat that had been coming off of Barley and how surprisingly gentle he was. Maybe he knew this was a shock to Ian. Maybe he knew he just stole his brother's first kiss. Either way, Ian was frozen and just allowed his brother to hold him. 

For the first couple of seconds, it had been weird, but then he started to feel different. He felt different about everything that night; the stars in the sky, the taste of alcohol, Guinevere, Barley, everything. As if on instinct, Ian leaned into the kiss. He heard his brother groan under his breath and wondered if he did something wrong, but most of all he was wondering why the kiss had felt actually really good. 

When Barley finally released him, they both breathed as the looked down at the floor of the van. Ian couldn't help notice that Barley was still holding him in place by his shirt rather tightly. He looked at his brothers fist and the thought that Barley might've been afraid to let him go. Maybe he thought Ian would run out and leave him here by himself, feeling humiliated and alone. Ian could never do that. He slowly lifted his eyes to look at Barley, who still had his glued to the ground.

"Wow," Ian broke the silence first. Slowly Barley lifted his head. This time, Ian was able to see the emotion in Barley's eyes from earlier. Fear was present in his face and the only thing Ian could think of was to smile back at him. Barley must've been grateful for Ians reaction, because he didn't waste anytime pulling Ian back in for another kiss. 

There was a clear difference in this one. Barley was a little rougher and Ian felt as if he was being put under a spell. Barley somehow managed to get his hand around Ian's waist and pull him closer. He hands were soft, but his grip was aggressive, as if Ian would shatter into a million pieces if he let him go. Ian didn't know how to kiss, but he tried not to think so much about it because Barley was in full control. His mind was spinning. He cracked one of his eyelids open just to have a peep at Barley. The older elf looked so into it and so desperate for him. He wore an emotion that made Ian feel he was never going to see Barley again. He closed his eyes and did his best to kiss him back. The more they intertwined the more handsy Barley got. He would first move slow to see exactly where he was allowed to touch, but when Ian didn't protest, Barley let his hands roam free. 

It was so hard to breathe and Ian's size felt like nothing compared to Barleys. It felt like he was going to be eaten and as scary of a thought that was, Ian didn't mind it. Eventually Barley got him to the back of the van where he was able to kiss him, mark him, and feel him better. Ian gripped onto Barley for dear life throughout the entire thing, afraid he'd fall any deeper into the spell Barley had on him. His heart raced and the only thing he could think about was Barley and how he was making everything feel so good. Barley hadn't done anything more that day, he just kissed Ian until they both fell asleep. 

Of course as Ian fell asleep that night, he wasn't thinking about how nothing would ever be the same. The next morning they had woken up together, and all the memories of the previous night had come rushing to them both at once. Barley had looked terrified, afraid that he might've just traumatized his brother. Ian did what he did best to make Barley feel better. He smiled. "It'll be our secret." He said and Barley visibly relaxed. 

Like he said, things weren't the same, but they hadn't been so different yet either. Barley and him were still inseparable. They did most things together and though certain jokes were off the table now, they still found ways to make each other laugh. Ian still felt comfortable around Barley and vice-versa. He didn't ask him about the kiss, because he felt maybe it was something Barley didn't want to talk about just yet. Maybe he had the intention of just burying it in their past and calling it a day. 

However, Barley proved different one faithful day. Ian had been just doing his homework when Barley barged into his room, pinned him to his bed and kissed him deeply. "I'm sorry." He mumbled when he gave Ian a chance to breathe.  
"It's okay." Ian answered him before Barley kissed him again. It was questionable why Ian didn't fight against him or tell him it wasn't alright, but in Ian's mind when Barley was holding him none of it mattered. 

This went on for some time. At random points in the day or night, Barley would find a way to trap Ian by his lonesome and embrace him. It could be first thing in the morning, right after Ian came from school, during the time they had the house to themselves, or the last thing at night, Barley would make sure he had his daily dose of Ian. As weeks went on, Barley slowly became more possessive. He had no problem leaving marks on Ian's skin and he was always down to try newer things with him. For example, one week he discovered Ian could handle pain. Barley had intentionally dugs his nails in his hips and tugged at his nipples and instead of bellowing in pain, Ian arched in delight. It only made Barley play rougher. 

Ian didn't mind. Actually, it had gotten to the point where he didn't mind one bit. Barley was too good to him, and even now as they commit unspeakable acts, Ian could feel Barley's kindness through him. The way he'd take his tongue and explore every inch of his mouth, or the way he choked him and made Ian's insides tremble with his fingers was heavenly. Ian's body was becoming used to Barley and the amount of markings left on his skin made it clear who he belonged to. 

For some reason, Ian had never felt happier at the time. Barley still dated around and had relationships, but once they ended from differences or Barley simply started missing his brother, he'd be right back in Ian's arms. As cruel as it sounded, Ian loved when girls or guys disappointed Barley, because the older elf would always turn to him, knowing he'd never disappoint him. He'd do what he'd say with a snap of his finger, because Barley was good to him and he wanted to be good too. 

But suddenly things changed.

Ian started receiving less and less visits from Barley, he wouldn't be touched as much, and no new marks were given to him. Barley's sudden distancing was alarming, but Ian didn't ask about it. He thought that maybe Barley was under a lot of pressure from something else and he didn't need his little brothers pestering. But when the visits stopped all together, Ian just had to know.

"I love you Ian," Barley had told him. "But I think we both know we're playing a dangerous game. I...I have to do better, for the both of us." 

The response had definitely hurt Ian. "Okay." was all he could respond and give him a sad smile. He hadn't entirely expected such a change though he knew he should have. The nights he spent with Barley were like medicine for him; he wasn't so sure what he'd do without it. He considered dating other guys, but he's never met anyone in his school who was like Barley or at least strong like him. As much as he didn't like to show it, Ian really really missed Barley and he wanted to believe that the older elf wasn't really done with him. 

So he waited.

Ian waited patiently, hoping that Barley would feel differently one day, silly, or stressed about something and he'd want to take his frustrations out on Ian's body. He wanted it so bad and fortunately, once in a blue moon he got it. There were days Barley would come home from parties drunk searching for Ian or he'd be aggravated and Ian comforting him always made him want to do more. The moments didn't come as often but Ian was grateful they came at all. He wanted Barley to keep touching and holding him, because he was the main thing that could make him feel better. He kept the hope in his heart that Barley would soon change his mind completely and just stay by Ian's side forever. 

But then Barley announced he was going to move. 

While the news had excited Laurel for his new beginnings and life on his own, Ian's heart shattered. He did his best to keep it together for their mother who was right in front of him, but he could feel Barley's apologetic stare on him the entire time. Ian didn't look at him, he felt he might start crying. Later when they were alone, Ian still found it hard to make eye contact with him. 

"I-I just think it's time for me to go." Barley spoke softly. "I know I'm only twenty-three, but I feel like I just gotta get out. I'm...I'm not gonna stop Ian. It'll just keep happening and I'll mess you up too. It's not fair to y-"  
"So you're going because of me." Ian spoke over Barley. He couldn't keep his voice from trembling and he could feel the tears brim his eyes as he looked at his brother. When Barley remained silent, Ian cracked. "Fine. Then **go**."  
"W-Wait, Ian please!" Barley called after him but Ian had already left his room and headed straight for his own. 

There, he locked his door, bundles hisself up under his covers, and cries until his hearts content. He didn't understand why he was so upset and he really didn't want his brother to leave. Him not being able to understand only caused him to become angrier with Barley. In that moment, his anger helped him to decide one thing: he'd never allow Barley to see him cry ever again. If he wanted to leave, then he could go. 

That was two years ago. Ian was now twenty, soon to be twenty-one. He was in his last year of college and he loved going home to his mother. The house definitely seemed smaller the first year without Barley there. Everything was different and Ian was half still adjusting half not really thinking about it. That's probably why his mother and Blazey adapted much quicker to Barley's absence because they accepted it. There wasn't a day Ian didn't think about Barley. It could literally just be a memory they shared as children or a moment in time where Barley had his tongue down Ian's throat. 

"What ya over thinking about mister?" Laurel would sometimes ask.   
"Barley." Ian would tell her, knowing she'd assume he was just missing him like a normal brother would, but that wasn't the case. 

Sometimes it still aggravated Ian how Barley just moved away. He was only two towns over, but it was a long enough drive where he couldn't and wouldn't come by often. There had been a handful of times when Barley did come home but Ian had somehow missed it. He wouldn't say a thing to Barley about missing him either, probably leaving Barley thinking Ian's still mad with him. He wasn't angry anymore, he couldn't hold a grudge against someone he cared for so much. Instead, he just waited. 

Then one day, Ian's mother burst into his room full of joy. When he asked her what was going on, she could barely contain herself. "Barley's coming over for the weekend! And he has a girl he's bringing!" She squealed, unaware of the little knife she just stabbed Ian's heart with. He waited until she calmed down and left his area before he screamed under his pillow about how much of a no good stubborn jackass Barley was. He didn't want Barley coming back with some girl. It was the most annoying situation Ian could think himself in. 

But on a good note, Barley was coming home, and this time he wasn't going miss it. Barley had dated in the past, and none of those people were able to keep him away from Ian, maybe now won't be different, even if he's bringing her to the house. He needed to see just how much Barley's changed or stayed the same. Did he get bigger? Did he lose weight? Maybe he was growing a beard that would feel scratchy to kiss. Maybe Ian would never get to experience that. Either way, Ian had one main goal and that was to find out if it were really over between him and his brother; if this girl was the one who made Barley serious enough to stop messing with him.

The morning Guinevere pulled up, Ian could hear her engine loud and clear. As his mother and Blazey immediately went out to greet their family and his company. Ian stayed back for a moment. He looked at himself in the mirror and sighed. "Don't break." He whispered to himself. "If you break, you lose." 

He gave himself one last half smile before he walked down the stairs and exited his home. In the front, Laurel had covered Barley from Ian's view, which might've been a good thing. Next to them, there was a petite girl playing with Blazey with a small smile on her face. When she noticed Ian, she quickly stood up and flattened her shirt. She was pretty, and from just how she looked at him he could tell she was a soft one, but she wasn't exactly the main thing on Ian's mind. 

His heart sped up with every step he took but he continued to remind himself he was no longer a child and he no longer had to be afraid. He had to live like someone who once told him he wasn't going to be afraid of anything ever again. Laurel seemed to be planting kisses all over Barley's face but when she felt Ian's presence behind her, she stepped to the side.   
Ian's heart seemed to stop as he looked at the older elf in front of him. His size didn't change much but his face was more mature. There was no beard, but stub that grew in nicely. He wore the same beanie and beat up cargo shorts that were his absolute favorite and Ian's. It was him. 

  
"Hey, Ian." Barley spoke softly and there was clear nervousness in his voice. Maybe his new girl or possibly their mother couldn't hear it, but it was the same tone Barley used when he told Ian how he was ending things.   
Instead of letting it get to him, Ian smiled warmly as if he didn't have a care in the world. He could see the confusion in Barley's eyes and it only made him testier. "Hi, Barley. Good to have you home." He said. 

Ian was well aware he was about to continue playing a _very_ dangerous game. 


	2. Chapter 2

"Oh my gosh this is so exciting!" Laurel squeals and wraps her arms around her oldest son again. "I haven't seen my biggest baby in so long!"  
Laurel begins planting kisses all over Barley's face once more. He chuckles and his girlfriend laughs. "Mom, it's only been a couple of months."  
"That time feels twice as long," Ian says lightly, trying not to give away what he's getting at. "For mothers, at least."  
Barley shifts uncomfortably as Laurel laughs. "That's right! Oh it feels like forever! And it's been a while since you and Ian have seen each other right?" Laurel nudges Barley and he gives her a small smile before she turns to Barley's guest. "Oh they're just inseparable! It's so good to finally meet you darling! I'm Laurel Lightfoot and this is my youngest son and Barley's brother, Ian."  
Ian looks at the girl and she smiles shyly. "I-It's very nice to meet you both! My name's Althea." 

Althea. Ian's never met someone with such a pretty name. It fit her too. She had really short curly hair, a small figure, and wide brown eyes. Ian couldn't help but notice they looked familiar. He didn't have time to think so much about it as his mother started bombarding her with questions about their trip. Ian took this time to look at his brother, who just stood there clearly uncomfortable with the whole situation. He wondered why he even brought her if he was just going to be so quiet. Maybe he was nervous and wanted their mother to like her. It would've been cute thought, that is if Ian cared whether Laurel liked her or not. 

"Haven't seen you around here in a while." Ian broke the silence between them. Barley finally made eye contact and nodded.   
"Y-Yeah, I guess I've just been...busy." Barley responded.   
"You've forgotten about me?" Ian joked but clearly Barley didn't take it as one. His face suddenly filled with slight panic.   
"Of course not!" He shook his head fiercely.   
Ian loved the reaction, but he hated it. It was like his brother wanted him to know he still thought about him, but at the same time he didn't come around enough to prove it. " _Maybe if you showed up more I wouldn't have to worry about you forgetting me_." Ian spat in his head, but it was too soon for him to act out in such a way.  
Instead he laughed it off. "I'm just joking around, Barley."   
His brother seemed to catch on to Ian's composure and relaxed himself. "Oh, nice."  
"You haven't changed a bit." Ian said. "You still dress like an animal."  
Barley let out a genuine laugh, one that made Ian feel good inside. Here he was secretly pointing fingers when he himself almost forgotten what Barley's laughter sounded like. "Yeah well, you don't look so different yourself. Still the same scrawny short kid."  
"Are you kidding me?" Ian scoffs. "I definitely got a little bigger! _And_ I've grown too."  
"Yeah, like a single inch. I still have to look down at you."  
"It still counts."  
Barley tilts his head and rolls his eyes. "Does it really though?"  
Ian laughs and punches the older elf in his arm. "Jackass."  
"You love it." Barley chuckled. He gave Ian the sweetest smile he's seen in a while. "It's really good to see you Ian."  
The older elf opened his arms, and Ian didn't hesitate to walk into them. As his brother wrapped his arms around his waist, he felt so happy he could die. "It's good to see you too."

  
Ian sat at the dinning room table across from his mother and Barley. Seated right next to him was Althea. From what he could tell she looked nervous yet still content. Directly across from her sat Barley, and Ian wondered why they all had chosen such a seating arrangement. When they had entered the house, Ian had sat down first. He thought his mom would sit next to him, allowing Barley and Althea to sit together. To his surprise, Althea actually sat right next to Ian. She looked over to him and smiled.  
"Hi." She spoke softly.  
"Hi," Ian greeted her back just as soft, mainly because he was confused.   
"Your home is really nice." She said.   
Ian smiled at her, realizing she was just trying to be polite. "Thanks, we've lived here basically our entire lives."   
"Wow, it's so clean!" She says and looks around. "That must be why Barley's so tidy."   
That must've been new. When Barley was still living there, Ian was constantly stepping over his brother's messes or cleaning them up. It seemed being away must've developed some new habits for him. Ian watched Barley when he had took his seat next to their mother. "Yeah," He said to Althea while keeping his eyes glued on his the older male. "Must be."

Throughout the entire time they spent at the table, Ian mostly watched Barley. Partially because he hadn't seen his brothers face in so long, and partially because Barley watched him back. Laurel spoke mostly with Althea and Barley would glance back and forth between them. But time to time, he'd look at Ian and Ian would already be watching. When this would happen they'd just hold eye contact. Ian couldn't help but notice the fear swirling in the back of Barley's eyes. He wondered what was the main source. Maybe he was still worried about Laurel and Ian liking Althea, or Althea liking them. Maybe he was worried Ian might say something that would be inappropriate and change the course of all their lives. 

Because there was _a lot_ Ian could say that could be considered inappropriate. 

"So Althea!" Laurel chirped. "I'm guessing you have some thoughts on Barley's Guinevere?"   
" _Mom_." Barley groaned.   
Althea giggles. "She's a magical truck, I love going places with Barley in her."   
"Van." Ian corrects her.   
"Hm?" She turns to him confused but catches on. "Oh! Right, I'm sorry, van. She's a great van."

Ian found her shyness interesting. She had been in their home for some time now, but she still acted as if she was still outside. She must've been a nervous wreck driving down here with Barley, unsure what to say or think. Ian used to be like that. To an extent he was still a quiet person, but after Barley left he was forced to step out of his shell and speak to people since his brother was no longer there to speak for him when he didn't want to. Althea probably didn't have to worry about that because now that's what Barley would do for her. Must be nice. 

"Almost everyday Barley takes me to school in Guinevere," Althea adds on. "We get a lot of attention because of it, haha."   
"Oh! What do you major in?" Laurel asks her.   
"I'm a Mathematics major," She says. "I should graduate by the end of next year."   
"Really?! Ian's a math major too!" Laurel tells her. "He's graduating by the end of this year."   
Althea turns to Ian and her wide eyes seem to be smiling. As happy as she seemed, the fact that he couldn't pinpoint why her eyes reminded him of something made him uncomfortable. "Oh yes, Barley told me! I'm glad we have that in common!"  
"Yeah...we do." Ian said before looking at Barley. Almost immediately, the older elf looked away from his gaze, telling Ian that something was off.   
"It's really nice that Barley has someone like you in his life. I hope I did a good job raising my son to be a good gentleman and respectful!" Laurel says nudging him.  
Barley gives her a half-hearted smile and a tight chuckle. "Come on mom, of course I'm a gentleman."   
"He really is!" Althea says. "Barley's always been so kind to me. I haven't ever met someone like him! He's loud and rowdy, but super snuggly in the best ways."  
"Althea..." Barley says sounding half embarrassed, half alarmed.  
"That's so nice!" Laurel says as she hugs Barley. Ian suddenly feels his chest tighten. He looks to his brother and he notices Barley's trying hard not to make eye contact with him. It only makes him more upset.   
"Yeah, he's great. He buys me cute gifts that he knows I'll like, we'll watch movies for hours together, and sometimes he'll just randomly ask me if I wanna go and try and find an adventure, which I think is super cute." she says.   
Ian turns to look at her, and he wonders if he really heard that all right. "Wait...you guys go and find adventures?"  
"Yeah! Barley told me you used to do that with him a lot before he moved away." She says and Ian can't stop looking into her eyes. "He always brings it up." 

As she said that Ian wondered if Barley also told her that he did all those other things with Barley too. It was him Barley used to buy small gifts for. It was _Ian's_ favorite movies Barley would stay up at all hours of the night and watch with him. It was Ian who Barley would take on silly errand runs or events and call them quest or adventures. Ian loved all of that, Ian _misses_ all of that. 

"Really? He talks about me?" Ian asks, trying his best not to sound as aggravated as he was.   
"All the time!"  
"Alth-" Barley begins but Ian's glare shuts him up. Never did Ian think he'd have the power to do that.   
"He talks about how you're basically his best friend and he hopes you still know that. Barley tells me, you guys did almost everything together. He says his favorite was playing quest of yore with you, even if you didn't really get it. I'm not so good at it either." She lets out a shy giggle and her eyes dart to the table. It was something that Ian did when he was a bit nervous himself.

And that's when it hit him. 

Althea is a mathematics major, just like Ian. She does all of the old things that Barley used to do with him. Her behavior was so indistinguishable and her eyes, the large pools of brown were so recognizable...because they were just like his. Althea wasn't just someone Barley like for her cute small look, he liked her because she was undeniably identical to Ian. She was basically the female version of him. It made sense but at the same time it didn't. Why would Barley do this? This was his idea of doing better?, just finding someone who was the perfect replacement? It shocked Ian, and as he looked over to Barley, the older elf seemed to know it too. She wasn't him. She wasn't him and Ian needed to make sure Barley **remembered** that.

"Yeah, me and Barley loved playing that game. In fact, we used to play it right here at this table." Ian looked up and met Barley's eyes. "We did **a lot** at this table together."   
Ian was sure he could see the blood leaving Barley's face as the realization of what Ian was doing hit him and it made Ian feel good. Althea, oblivious to the situation, cooed. "I think it's great how close you guys are."   
"Yup, he's my best friend too and I love him. I'm actually really glad he's home, because I haven't seen him in forever. I'm sure there's...a couple things he's missed and been wanting to do with me. After all, we did **everything** together."   
Barley stared at Ian in disbelief, but the younger elf didn't care. He didn't turn from his brother as his mother awed. "Aren't they just the cutest?"

  
Ian found himself making his way to the kitchen for something to eat. It had been a couple of hours since the Ian and Laurel sat with Althea and Ian secretly embarrassed Barley. He hadn't felt a single bit of guilt about it either. He'd be surprised if Barley thought he'd be so okay with it. He wasn't even really okay with the past people Barley dated. Sure Althea was nice and on paper, he and her could've been great friends, but now that Ian knew she technically had something he didn't, he knew he wouldn't be around her often. 

As he opened the fridge he thought about how much he hated the whole situation. Sometime he wished he went away to college so he wouldn't of had to deal with any of this. But then he tells himself if he went away, he would've never got to feel so happy being in his brothers arms. It was all so annoying, but Ian was proud of himself. He didn't break, and he found a way to recover once he knew he was about to. However, as he stood in front of the fridge, he heard rather large footsteps that could only belong to one person stop right at the door. He was instantly reminded that his battle wasn't over yet. 

"Funny, this brings back memories." Ian said without turning from the fridge. "Isn't this always how it started? You'd find me all on my own and make your move that I always fell for."   
" _What_ was that earlier?" Barley asked. Ian could hear the frustration in his voice and he wondered if any of it was sexual.   
"Whatsoever do you mean brother?" Ian asked as he continued to search through the fridge, even though he suddenly no longer had the urge to eat. He grabbed a soda instead but he stilled as he heard Barley move towards him. His large hand grabbed the fridge door and slammed it shut. Ian rolled his eyes before looking up at his angry brother. " **What**?"  
"You know what." Barley said with base in his voice. "What's wrong with you? When did you become so...harsh?!"  
"Since you **left**." Ian spat and turned from him. "I had no choice since I no longer have _you_ around to be the tough part of me."  
"Ian, you cannot act like that." Barley said and Ian scoffed.   
"Why? Because my _replacement_ might hear and know what I was to you besides your brother?" Ian asks. "Your personal fuck doll?"   
"IAN-"   
Ian moves to get real close in Barley's face and it surprised the older elf. "You think I'm an idiot Barley? Do you?! I know why you're dating her and it's ridiculous how long it took me to figure it out. Althea is **ME**."   
The anger seeps from Barley's face instantly. "L-Listen-"  
"I fucking knew it." Ian mumbles as he shakes his head. "You're ridiculous, you know that?"  
"What do you want me to do Ian?" Barley asks and it seems the angers returning.   
Ian doesn't have to think about his next set of words. "What you should've BEEN done, come back home and stay with me."   
Barley shakes his head slowly and looks down at the ground. "I can't do that...you know that." he mumbles. 

Ian scoffs and turns to leave the kitchen. He now realizes that Barley truly did intend to make this hard for him. He probably doesn't even really love Althea; all she was was his replacement and it made him sick. He wondered if there was anything else she had that was similar to him. He wondered if there was something maybe different that Barley liked too. 

"It must've been real hard for you." Ian says.   
"What was?" Barley asks him.  
"Those few nights when you _did_ come home and I wasn't there." Ian turned around right before I fully exits the kitchen. "You probably had sooo much you wanted to do didn't you?"  
"Stop." Barley says. Ian smirks and Barley begins to walk towards him. Still, he doesn't back down.   
"Well this time, I right here." Ian says. "All you have to do is be honest with yourself and admit just how much you miss bending me over and-"  
Before Ian can finish his sentence, Barley grabs him by his neck and pushes him back against the door frame. Ian gasps a bit and instantly wishes Barley would choke him tighter. " **Stop**. **That**." Barley growls menacingly but it only feeds Ian's fire.   
He looks lovingly into his brothers eyes and wraps his hands around Barley's strong arms. "I've missed this the most, how rough you are with me." He cooes.

Barley grips Ian's neck tighter. Ian could see something swirling in his brothers eyes, but before he could make out what it is, Barley releases him and quickly heads to his room. When the door slams behind him, Ian slowly sinks to the ground of the kitchen and rubs his neck. His heart races and he already misses the feeling of Barley's unbelievably strong grip. His pet dragon, Blazey notices him on the floor. And rushes over to his side. The dragon looks at him in confusion and Ian merely pets its head. 

"I know," He says to it. "I'm crazy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will update soon!


	3. Chapter 3

The next day had moved quick, or at least it felt like it did for Ian. He had woken up early like usual and as usual the first thing on his mind was Barley. Usually he'd daydream about him with the sense that his brother was miles from him, but this time he was only a couple of feet away...with a girl he was claiming to love enough to bring over.   
As he got out of bed, he still couldn't wrap his head around how bold Barley was to present Althea to him, knowing how similar she was. Did he think Ian really wasn't going to put it together? Of course he was upset, but on the other hand he tried to look at it from a different angle. It clearly showed just how much Barley missed Ian, and how much he still wanted him. Ian could feel it in the way his brother choked him yesterday. Something had been building up in the older elf and he was so close to letting it all out, but at the last second he had let it go. He walked away, making Barley the winner. It riled Ian up and he just wished Barley would just admit he misses him.   
As Ian walked into the kitchen that morning, he was surprised to see Althea and his mother up. He figured Barley wasn't going to be because he always slept a little later than Ian. Ian shook his head at the fact that Althea even woke up at the same time as him. Before he could think deeper into it, his mother had greeted him. 

"Morning Ian!" Laurel chirped and Althea waved to him nervously.   
"Hey," He responded, succeeding at not sounding annoyed. "What you guys up to?"  
"Althea thought it'd be a good idea to make Barley breakfast!" His mother says. Ian looks to Althea and she shrugs.   
"Y-Yea, I thought it'd be nice."   
Ian smiled as a thought came to his head. "Oh, well in that case I could help you."  
Althea's face brightens. "Really?"   
"Yeah! After all I used to make my brother's breakfast all the time. Mom, I got it." He says. Laurel looks pleased as she drops her utensils.   
"Alright then! Have fun you two!" She says and she makes her way out of the kitchen.   
"Wow, that's really nice of you to help. I'm not the best in the kitchen." She giggles nervously. "Barley was worried that you might warm up to me so much."  
"Really?" Ian says obviously not surprised. "Why's that?"   
"I don't know, he wouldn't get into it. He just said sometimes similarities can get in the way of things." She said. Ian couldn't help but notice she sounded a bit upset. He watched her as she quickly shook it off and turned to him with a smile. "So! What do you want to make?"

Ian helped her make basically most of Barley's favorites. Ian really knew how Barley liked things done; there was certain things that even their mom didn't know that Ian picked up along the way. For example, she knew that Barley liked his eggs scrambled but he always ended up adding ketchup to them. Whenever Ian served him eggs with the ketchup already added, it made him laugh watching how happy Barley got over such a small detail. As they cooked, Ian selfishly didn't share too many secrets about Barley's taste with Althea. If he did he would just be contributing to solidifying her as his replacement. If Barley wanted his favorites, he was going to have to come to Ian and that was exactly what Ian wanted.   
When they had finished, Althea had been so impressed. "Wow! I would've never been able to do this on my own." She said. "Thank you Ian."  
Her gratefulness put a sour taste in Ian's mouth, because as nice of a girl she was, he still wanted to get rid of her. "No problem."  
"I'll let Barley know just how much of a help you were."  
Suddenly the sour taste in Ian's mouth was gone as he smiled. "Thank you." 

When Barley finally did wake up, he came out to the living room where Ian and his mother was sitting. Ian could see the confusion and stress in his eyes and he knew it was from the breakfast. Ian grinned and Barley had no choice but to react appropriately since their mother was right there.   
"Afternoon big buy!" Laurel joked at Barley's sleep habit.   
"Hey," He smiled before turning to Ian. "Thanks for the food."   
"My pleasure." Ian responded. 

Throughout the day, Ian spent a good portion of his time finding ways to get to Barley, mentally and physically. There would be times when it'd be all four of them would be together and Ian would bring up old memories that he knew Barley was fond of. He felt warm watching the older elf's face soften at better days and he encourages Ian to speak about more memories...the ones the were appropriate.   
At one point, Laurel had stepped out to fetch groceries, leaving Ian alone with Barley and Althea. He decided to watch tv seeing how it was the only thing he could do to remain distracted. To his surprise, Althea sat right next to him on the couch. "Do you mind if we join you?" she said with Barley standing awkwardly behind her.   
Ian looked up at his big brother, and he didn't see any true protest in his eyes so he smiled at her. "Sure."  
"Sit babe!" Althea told barley and the older elf dropped himself down onto the couch. Ian was shifted a little by Barley's weight. He remembered when that used to happen a lot but Barley would sit right next to him, and if no one was around Ian would be pulled into his lap. He missed that. 

Around thirty minutes into the show they were watching, Ian stretched out his arms and placed one behind the couch. He didn't notice when Barley repeated his action, but five minutes later he felt something tap at his hand from behind the couch. At first he figured it was Blazey asking for attention, but this felt different. Ian felt fingers, sliding against his own softly, as if trying to not startle him. Blazey wouldn't do that because not only did their pet not have fingers but the movements were too kind and soft. Ian felt his heart flip, knowing it was Barley trying to hold him. It wasn't exactly expected seeing how Althea was literally sitting right in between them, but he wasn't complaining. He was glad his brother was showing signs of slowly coming around. 

Barley rubbed small circles on the back of Ian's hand as Althea randomly turn to him. "I've never seen this show before but it's really cool. You have good taste Ian! I like hanging out with you." She said sweetly.   
Ian looked past her to glance at Barley. Even though it was for a quick second, he could see nothing but burning desire in his brothers eyes. It made him feel good; it reminded him of the power he had over Barley. He smiled at Althea and intertwined his fingers with Barley's. "I like hanging out with you too, Althea."

Ian thought he had Barley after that, he saw it in the way the older elf looked at him. But not even an hour later, all of Barley's attention went to Althea. He barely looked at Ian or spoke to him unless their mother was around or he had to. Althea didn't seem to notice too much because it seemed Barley kept her mind off of it. Ian remembered the days when Barley would go through great lengths to keep Ian's mind off anything that bothered him. Now, he was forced to wallow in his bad moods or negative thoughts because Barley was no longer around to pull him out of it.   
Watching the two of them together had really bothered Ian to no end. He was doing a great job at not showing his anger. It seemed Althea nor his mother had a clue of how Ian was really feeling. However, he knew Barley knew. In the small moments Barley _did_ look at him, it was as if he was trying to say sorry with his eyes. It only upset Ian more, because he didn't want some half-assed apology. He didn't want an apology at all. 

He just wanted Barley.

  
As the day came close to an end, it was starting to look like Ian was never going to get what he was asking for. That scared him and he tried not to think about it but it was hard. When he laid down in bed that night, he thought the anxiety and pain would go away, but it only became stronger. About five minutes in, he decided he couldn't take it. He got up and made his way to the living room. He hoped there was a game show on or something that he could participate in that would help take his mind off everything.   
As he sat down on the couch and turned on the tv, the first thing that appeared was actually one of his favorite game shows and he felt instantly a little better. It was an academic game, and though not many people he knew watched it Ian was smart enough to get a lot of the questions right. He felt at peace when watching, mainly because he imagined himself there instead of where he was. He won most of them time when playing, so it was always a good time.   
He had been watching the show's marathon for about two hours. It was almost midnight and Ian was becoming tired. He considered turning off the tv and going to bed when he suddenly heard a noise. It wasn't loud, and it sounded like something shifting. 

Ian looked around the room, wondering where that sound was coming from. He was about to let it go before another sound emerged out of nowhere. "A-Aah!" A voice broke the silence. Ian felt his blood run cold as he turned towards Barley's room. The shifting sounds continued and Ian felt his heart drop at the realization of what Barley and Althea were doing. He immediately turned back to the tv and turned it up loud enough for the sounds of their sex to be slightly covered. He would try to drown it out all together, but he didn't want them to hear the tv. The last thing he needed was for Barley to know Ian was down here hearing what he was doing.   
Ian continued to watch tv in order to get rid of the pain in his heart, but time to time he'd hear sounds again and it pulled him right back into his frustration. He would've just gotten up and gone to bed but this would've been on his mind all night. He figured he could wait for it to come to an end and watch his show in peace until he felt fine again. It seemed the end would come sooner than he thought. 

"Barley!" Ian winced at Althea using his brothers name. "Y-You're too rough, that hurts!" 

Something inside of Ian's mind snapped and he unconsciously squeezed the remote controller until his knuckles turned baby blue. _Too rough_?? The words replayed over and over in his head and he nearly was on the verge of screaming in frustration. What the hell did she mean too rough? Was she aware of how amazing Barley's power was? What he was able to DO with that strength? Was she NOT grateful?! He was able to have Ian shaking and begging for more within seconds but she wanted him to be gentle?   
Ian couldn't believe it. Barley's most amazing talent was going to waste on her. She was insane and this was something that **clearly** made her different from Ian. He wondered how Barley was doing it? How was he possibly, containing all of his strength when he used to have so much fun having Ian however he wanted. Apart of Ian felt bad for his brother, apart of him felt he deserved it. All he had to do was come back home to Ian and he cold have whatever he wanted. Why was he making this so difficult? Didn't he love his little brother? Did he actually love Althea, and if he did what did that mean for Ian? Did this mean he was...old news?

Ian gave up on the tv show and was left alone with his thoughts for about fifteen minutes until he heard the sound of Barley's room door opening. He straightened himself up and stared at the tv, hoping that it would just look like he was only interested in the show. But as Ian heard a heavy sigh and low unhappy muttering, he couldn't hide the anger in his face. It didn't take long before his brother discovered him on the couch. 

"...Ian?" Barley mumbled.   
The younger elf didn't take his eyes off the tv. "Hey."  
"What're you doing up?"  
"I couldn't sleep," Ian shrugged. "What're _you_ doing up?"  
"...No reason." Barley turns to head back to his room. "Just a rough night."  
"It didn't sound like it." Ian mumbled under his breath. He hears Barley's footsteps come to a stop and he knows he was heard, even when he wasn't trying to be. However, he felt no regret.  
" _What_?" Barley asked, already sounding upset.   
"I **said** ," Ian turned to look at his brother. "It didn't sound like it. What it sounded like was you're not _ALLOWED_ to be rough and you're really out here because you're frustrated about it."   
Barley's eyes go dark and he walks back over to Ian. "What's _WRONG_ with you?"  
"You're fucking some chick that doesn't make you feel **half** as good as I do." Ian spat and stood up. Barley grabs him by his arm and pulls him close enough for Ian to see the anger swirling in the bigger elf's eyes.   
_**"Ian,"**_ He says with his voice dark. "You need to stop this."   
Ian yanks his arm free. "Why? Does it remind you of something? The way we _used_ to do things? How you'd throw me against the wall or on the floor and use my body till you were content? Or how you'd leave the most obvious marks all over me and create new ones every day? Oh! Or are you thinking of your old favorite, where you'd bend me until my knees were at me ears and you'd **fuck** me until I'd cry and call out your name?   
Ian felt unbelievably good as he called Barley out on his crap. He watched his brother ball his hands into tight fist and scoffed. "Oh you're getting angry Barley? Well guess what, I'm too old to be afraid of that anymore. You don't scare me one **bit**. What?! What are you possibly gonna do?! You're such a-"

Before Ian could finish, he's shoved HARD and he falls backwards on the couch. He tries to sit up but freezes as he watches Barley walk towards him. Suddenly, he doesn't feel so bold anymore. "B-Barley?" He squeaks, giving away that he in fact is a little scared. His brother doesn't say a word as he gets on top of Ian and slams their lips together.   
Fireworks go off in Ian's head and an instant warmth comes over his body that he can't tell is from him or Barley's. Either way, it doesn't matter because he finally has Barley with him now and the older elf wastes no time with moving his hands under Ian's shirt. He begins to tear at it and Ian moans, pulling Barley closer. The older elf lifts Ian by his hips and pulls him closer. Ian begins to grind himself against Barley and the older elf immediately bites down on Ian's lip. Ian's moans and Barley eats it up as he digs his nails into his brothers hips. It was all like a dream, and Ian was praying it wasn't. He couldn't bother thinking about Althea or their mother. He just wanted to hold onto Barley forever. 

But of course, all too soon it came to end. Suddenly Barley releases Ian and pulls back. Ian gasps for air but he wishes Barley wouldn't of given it to him. He pants heavily as he watches his brother hop to his feet and take five steps back from Ian. "Shit!" He curses before rubbing his hands over his face. "Ian why do you keep doing this?"  
Ian sat up, realizing he was losing him and panic slowly settled in. "B-Because I have to! Because apart of you _wants_ me to and you're not being honest with yourself!"   
"Ian, I'm fully aware that I want you, but that's the problem!" Barley snaps and it makes Ian flinch. "Can't you tell that what I do to you isn't okay?! You think it's normal for me to have such thoughts of you?! I'm gonna ruin your life if this continues. I don't want anyone saying YOU'RE as much of a screwup as I am! I'm **fucked** up Ian!"  
"So you think getting someone who's almost identical is going to make things fine?!" Ian says pointing towards Barley door where Althea most likely lies asleep. "That's your idea of doing better?!"   
"It's the closest I can get to being better! She's the best it's going to get!"   
Ian feels his heart crack in two. "...She's not **me** , Barley. She'll never be me! I don't see what the problem is if I'm in love with you too!"   
"Don't say that!" Barley whisper shouts.   
Ian stands up and stomps his foot on the ground. "I'll say it if I want because it's true! All I've been doing is waiting for the past two years is waiting for you to come back and tell me how you'll stay with me and only me!"   
"Well get over it cause it's **NEVER** going to happen!" Barley says with venom in his tone. 

Ian's eyes widen at the sudden outburst and it becomes clear to Barley that he was for the first time, too rough with Ian. "Ian...Ian I'm sorry." He says softly and tries to comfort his little brother, but Ian hardens his expression to stop himself from crying.   
"I hate you." he mumbles before walking off. He heads up the stairs and runs straight to his room. Once the door is shut and locked, he slams his fist on his bed and begins to cry. 

At least he didn't break in front of him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter coming real soon!


	4. Chapter 4

Ian had never figured how bad the crash would be if his brother never came home to him. He always thought sooner or later, Barley would give in and realize what they shared was special. He'd come home and things would be different but still good between him and Ian. Last night had him thinking otherwise. 

As he cried himself to sleep, Ian was forced to accept that Barley was indeed moving on. Yes, he may have had a moment of weakness but it was only because Ian pushed him to it. If Ian hadn't been so out of line by riling Barley up, the older male would've never have gotten so physical with him. As much as Ian loved it, it probably would've never happened if Ian remained silent. It was clear that Barley would no longer play along with Ian, and the younger elf was truly alone in this game. 

Plus, the aftermath hadn't been worth it. Whenever Ian closed his eyes, he could hear the venom in Barley's voice when he was told to get over it. It felt as if Barley literally took a knife and stabbed him in the heart effortlessly. It hurt so much, and Ian used to hurt to remind himself that it was over. The next morning when he had woken up, he slowly got himself together and stared at himself in his mirror. 

"Forget." He told himself softly. "Just forget."

And by forget, he meant everything. The way Barley held him, the way they he'd buy him gifts, the way he promise him the world, and especially the way he snapped at him. It was over, and the best Ian felt he could do was forget. He went down to breakfast that morning, and everyone was in the kitchen before he was. Laurel, Althea, and Barley were sitting at the table. Both his mother's and Althea's faces lit up seeing him. 

"Ian!" Althea chirped.   
"Good morning!" Laurel greeted him.   
Ian smiled at both of them. "Good morning guys."  
"I-I made you a plate of pancakes, Ian." Althea said pointing to a plate on the kitchen counter. "I hope you like them."  
"Wow! Thanks Althea." Ian picked up the plate and took a seat at the table. He tried not to think about how he had to sit right next to Barley. "Aren't you sweet."   
"Hey, what were those noises I heard last night?" Laurel asked Ian. "I could've sworn I heard what sounded like...soft shouting."

Ian guessed they may not have been as quiet as they thought. He glanced over at Barley and though he planned to look away before he noticed, Ian couldn't help but stare at his brother for a moment. He looked an absolute wreck. His hair was way messier than usual, his skin looked pale, and large bags hung under his eyes. Ian watched Barley pick at his food with his fork for a moment before turning to their mother.

"That's my bad," Ian said with ease. "I was arguing with Barley over what show I wanted to watch."  
"So late?!" Laurel chuckled. "That's strange, you too rarely have such silly disagreements. Usually Barley will just watch whatever you wanna watch."  
"Yeah," Ian faked a chuckle though his mother's words sent a dagger to his heart once more. That was another memory he'd have to let go of. "Sorry if I woke you up." Ian turns to Barley and he feels this is right thing to do. "I'm sorry Barley."  
He hoped Barley would understand what he was _really_ apologizing for. He didn't know if he'd have the strength to do it any other way. He froze when the larger elf turned to him and stared at him with large glassy eyes. Ian couldn't look away, he never seen Barley look so...torn. 

"I gotta go to the bathroom." He announced before getting up and walking out of the room. Ian watches him as he goes.   
"Wow, he looks so worn out." Laurel says concerned.   
"He didn't sleep much last night...actually he didn't sleep at all." Althea confesses. "When I asked him what was wrong, he just said he wasn't tired."  
"Awe, He still should've slept! Now he'll be mopey the entire day." 

Ian nods in agreement but he felt he knew the real reason Barley hadn't slept. He comes to the conclusion that his brother was still upset with Ian's actions. He hoped soon he'd come around to forgiving him. There wasn't much he could do since Barley was only going to be here for another twenty-four hours, but he hoped maybe him being distant could prove to Barley that Ian was working on moving on too. 

So that's what Ian spent his day doing. He stayed out of his brothers way and brought up nothing that reminded either of them of the past. Barley mostly stayed in his room most of the day and away from everyone, including Althea. It was clear she was bothered with his behavior and didn't know what was going on. A part of Ian still wanted Althea gone, and he envied her to no end, but he couldn't deny that if there was anyone else who would be a good fit for Barley...it was her. He did his brother the favor of hanging out with Althea and keeping her distracted most of the day. She seemed happy to spend time with Ian, and she couldn't tell what her being there was really doing to him. 

"You're really cool, Ian." Althea said. "It'd be awesome to have a brother-in-law like you!"  
She giggled, clearly making a joke but Ian felt as if he was going to throw up the minute the words came out her mouth. Barley? Being married? To someone _else_? It wasn't a comforting thought and it was only adding knifes to the pain in Ian's heart. But still, he fought through it and smiled. He couldn't afford to break, especially not when he's gotten this far. 

There had only been a handful of times throughout the day when Barley would come out of his personal space to check on what they were doing. Ian knew it wasn't out of jealousy but concern of what Ian might try to say or do. He wanted Barley to know that he wasn't going to fight him about Althea anymore so he'd just behave around her as if he would around any one of his other friends. he thought that that was the best approach to prove he wasn't going to be sketchy anymore, but Barley still looked at him as if his world was coming down right in that moment. It confused Ian to no end because he hadn't done anything to cause it. He was stepping down, just like his brother had asked him too.

So when Barley approached Ian late at night asking him to go for a ride, Ian's heart dropped for the fifth time that weekend. 

"W-Why?" Ian asked him.   
Barley rubbed his hand over his face as he grabbed his keys off the front table, making it clear that they were going. "There's just some stuff I gotta talk to you about."

Ian wanted to tell him no. He wanted to protest and say they could talk in the house, that way if Barley broke his heart again he'd have somewhere to retreat to like his room. In the van, there was nowhere he could run. As much as a part of him didn't want to go, Barley was already opening the door for him to walk out. It'd be weird for him to reject, because it was a rare thing he did. He swallowed down his fear as he walked out to Guinevere with Barley right behind him. But as he sat in the passenger seat and Barley turned on the engine, it all came back up.

  
The ride had been silent. Ian glanced back and forth at his brother, wondering when Barley was possibly going to tell him where they were going and why he wanted to talk. He thought he was making it clear in the house that he was done. He was giving Barley what he wanted, no matter how painful it was for him to let go. This was a day Ian never saw coming, the least Barley could do was stop making it ten times harder. Soon, his nerves got the better of him and he could no longer wait. 

"Barley?" Ian spoke softly through the silence. "Where are we going?"  
There was no response or even a glance from the older elf. His steadiness, made Ian feel that much more uncomfortable. "Barley?" He tried again, this time a little louder but the response was the same. "Barley where are you taking me?"  
Ian did not receive a word in response, but he did notice the change in speed Barley went. He felt frustration build in chest and he began to hate the way his brother was acting. "I'm...I'm sorry okay? I shouldn't of pushed you, but I'm doing what you asked! I'm trying to move on. I know today's been weird but you kidnapping me and taking me somewhere unknown isn't going to make this better!"  
Barley continued to drive and Ian could see the same look of worry and sorrow in his eyes. It only made him angrier because all Barley had to do was tell him what he was thinking. "Barley! What's going on?! Just tell me already! Please, I-I can't take it!"

Suddenly, the van comes to a halt. When Barley puts it in park, Ian looks out the window. His eyes widen when he sees they're on a little hill, where everything is so quiet and secluded you can hear the wind blowing on the outside. When he looked up, he saw the sky was full of stars. He felt a sudden warmth come over his body. He couldn't explain what it was and why it came to him now, but he was sure it had to do with this place; the place where it all began. Years ago, he shared his first ever kiss here with Barley and it was the most magical thing he's ever experienced. He hadn't been back to this place in forever. It was all too much, he felt like he could cry. 

"Did you mean it?"   
Ian nearly jumped when he heard Barley's voice for the first time since they entered the van. He turn to look at his brother, who kept his eyes glued to his dashboard. "W-What?"   
"Did you meant it...when you said you hated me." Barley asks. "Last night, you told me you hated me."   
"W-When did I-" Ian stopped mid-sentence when he recalled what Barley was talking about. In a blind fit of sorrow and rage, he had said the words low but loud enough for Barley to hear. He hadn't even thought twice about it or even _remembered_ that he said it. It was something that didn't hold any true meaning as he let it slip out of his mouth, but apparently to Barley it did.   
"I never wanted things to get this bad," Barley mumbles. Ian watches him grip his steering wheel so hard his knuckles turn white. "I NEVER wanted to hurt you Ian. I just let my greed get out of control and...I messed everything up."  
"B-Barley, I didn't mean it when I said I hated you." Ian reaches to touch Barley's shoulder but the older elf jerks away from him.   
"Bullshit!" Barley yells catching Ian off guard. "You meant it, I saw it in your eyes!"  
"Come on, Barley I was upset!" Ian shouted back. "You had just told me to get over wanting you back, how else did you expect me to respond?!"  
"There was truth behind every word you said, I know there is! You hadn't texted or called me in forever and when I _do_ come home you aren't around! I **know** you do that shit on purpose and it kills me! You don't want to see me?!"   
"Of course I wanted to see you! But I don't wanna see you for a mere couple hours just so you can runaway!" Ian pointed out. "For christ's sake Barley, you moved away!!"   
"Because you told me to!"   
"And you think I really **meant** it?! Seeing you off was the hardest thing I've ever had to go through! I was upset and in love with you; you were my everything you jerk!!" Ian screamed. 

He turned from Barley and crossed his arms in his seat. He took deep breathes trying to calm himself down and stop himself from crying. He was right, it was all too much and he should've never agreed to come out here. Being next to his brother reminded him how small he really was and for the first time in a while he didn't like it. He just wanted this heart wrenching day to end. He felt he was so close to breaking, but suddenly there was something grabbing at his waist and pulling him. 

"Ian..." Barley's voice trembled as he said his name as he pulled Ian into his lap. Ian watched his brother with wide eyes. "Ian, I'm sorry. Please...please don't hate me. I couldn't go on if you hated me, I'm sorry."   
"S-Sorry for what?" Ian asked cautiously. It became painfully clear that his brother was more broken up than he thought.   
A single tear slid down Barley's cheek and Ian felt his heart officially crack in two. "For messing us up. I love you Ian, more than anything. Please, I'm sorry. I love you."

Barley lowered his head into Ian's shoulder and silently cried. Ian didn't dare move a muscle. Not only was Barley holding him tightly in place, but he's never seen Barley cry like this before. Did Ian's words really have that much of an effect on him? Was him saying 'I hate you' something that scarred Barley and would he ever recover? As upset as he was himself, Ian felt terrible for his brother. No matter what the older elf did, he never wanted Barley to have to feel such pain. He wondered if it were just like his own or was it worse? Either way, Barley was clearly suffering. He probably had been suffering just like Ian for the years they were apart. Ian had never considered that when he should've. 

Slowly he brought his hands up to Barley's face and lifted his head so he could see it. Tears stained his cheeks and his eyes were red as he continued to sniffle. He didn't turn away from Ian for a moment, and his eyes were just begging for forgiveness, but Ian knew it was really him who should be begging. He wiped the tears from Barley's face and smiled softly at him. 

"All this fuss," He spoke softly as if Barley was a sleeping child. He rested his forehead against his brothers. "When you know my heart can only beat for you."   
Barley wrapped his arms fully around Ian's waist and pulled him impossibly closer to his body. "Please, tell me you mean it."   
"You know I do." Ian leaned in and gave Barley a soft kiss. "I love you Barley."

Another set of tears flowed down Barley's face as he pulled Ian in to kiss him. He wasn't rough or gentle, he was passionate, as if it was the last time he'd ever kiss him again. Just in case it was, Ian returned the same amount of energy. His body heated up immediately and he hoped Barley wouldn't ever let go. From the grip he had, it seemed he wouldn't.

Ian hadn't gone to sleep. The light that crept into his window in the morning laughed at him, because it knew this was the day he hoped wouldn't come. Barley would be leaving any second, and he hadn't come out of his room to say goodbye. His mother had knocked on his door, informing him that Althea and Barley were packing the van, but he told her that he wasn't feeling too good to come out. His body wouldn't allow him to, it was like he was glued to his bed and if he stood his knees would buckle and he'd fall.   
Last night had been truly eye-opening for Ian. Both his own and Barley's emotions got the better of them and Barley let his love and lust take over. Of course, Ian didn't complain and it felt like he received his little slice of heaven over and over. They stayed out on that hill for hours, and every chance he was given, Barley told him how he loved him. Now he understood and knew exactly what Barley felt and why he behaved the way he did. He should've gotten it a while ago, but his mind just wouldn't let him. Brothers being in love? Of course it wasn't natural and of course it wouldn't work in the long run. They'd just end up destroying each other or slipping up unintentionally. 

But even with that in mind, Ian _still_ didn't want Barley to go. His heart raced uncontrollably at the fear that it may be another two years or longer before Barley decides to show up again. What if over the years, Barley really did start to move on and Althea's brother-in-law joke would soon become a reality? She'd be so happy, and Ian would be so broken. 

A small set of knocks were heard on the other side of Ian's door. Immediately he scooted back to the dashboard of his bed, as if his mother would come in and drag him out forcing him to say goodbye to the love of his life. "M-mom, I can't come out! Just tell them I said bye!" He said sounding desperate. 

To his surprise, the door still swung open. He held his breath until he saw who was on the other side. Barley stood on the ooutside of Ian's door frame, looking only slightly better from last night. Ian's eyes widened and he quickly hopped out of bed. "B-Barley." 

"Hey Ian." His brother spoke low. He stepped into his room and closed the door. "I'm...I'm about..."  
"...You're about to leave." Ian finished for him. Barley nods slowly and Ian's lip trembles. "When will you come back again?"  
"I...I don't know."  
Ian gives him a sarcastic chuckle and looks away. "So probably in another two or three years."   
"Ian-"   
"Why can't we just figure this out?" Ian asks him. He can hear the tremble in his voice but he's far past worrying about crying. "I-I know what you're afraid of b-but there's no way?"  
Barley's face saddens more and he shakes his head. "This is for the best, no matter how much it may suck. If I stay around any longer, I'll keep messing you up."  
"Will you stop saying that?!" Ian yells. "I don't care about that! I don't care what ANYONE thinks of us! I just need you! Just you Barley..."   
Ian watches as Barley's hands curl into fist. His eyes begins to water and Ian remembers that this isn't hard for only himself. "I-I know it hurts Ian, I know it does...but I could never forgive myself for possibly **ruining** your life. I'm sorry." 

Just like that, Ian's world crumble around him. He turns his back to his brother and holds himself. He allows the tears to fall from his eyes and he bites his lip to silence himself. Ian can hear Barley walk up behind him. He doesn't fight when the older elf wraps his arms around him and holds him tight. Ian continues to cry and Barley kisses his cheek. "I'm sorry." He whispers before he lets go of Ian. The sudden loss of warmth shatters him more. He can hear Barley making his way to his door. 

"I can see you getting married, you know." Ian says. He turns to look at Barley but his brother still hasn't to look at him. "I can see you with a great career, something that makes you happy and you have a family. I can see that eventually for myself too, finding _someone_ who makes it all a little better. But you know what Barley?"   
Barley turns around and faces Ian. A single tear falls down his face. "It's funny, because even then I'll still be waiting for to come back to me." Ian continues. "I love you, and I don't care if you say it back or not because I already know the truth."  
Barley walks back over to Ian and pulls him close. He kisses him, sending butterflies to Ian's stomach. When he breaks it, Barley cups Ian's cheek and strokes it. "I love you too...but I'm not coming back; not in that way."   
"I don't believe you. I need you to know that I'll be waiting." Ian says. "You hear me? **I need you**...to know that Barley." 

Barley closes his eyes and squeezes Ian's hands. He doesn't say anything about Ian's words and he doesn't react. Eventually Barley opens his eyes. "Goodbye." Is all he says before he turns and walks out of Ian's door. 

From his window and with clouded eyes, Ian watches as Barley gets into his van and drives off with the girl that he'll possibly marry. With nothing better to do, he sits there...and he waits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Especially you HotBarley <3   
> I'll be back with more!


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